Monday 20 January 2014

Abuse and telling the truth, from the Church of England

 Statistics
Although numbers vary, some reports show that about 1 in 4 girls, and 1 in 9 boys are abused in childhood.  Key research in 21 countries found varying rates from 7 to 36 per cent of women and 3 to 29 per cent of men reporting they had been sexually abused as children.  One of the most rigorous UK studies found that 12 per cent of women and 8 per cent of men reported they had been sexually abused before the age of 16.There is some evidence that there is considerable under-reporting from boys and men.

Effects of abuse
Some survivors cope well with life and are able to live apparently ‘normally’. Some, however, although they present a ‘normal’ face to the world, may well be suffering and sometimes be unable to say what their problem is – or even to know why they feel ill at ease and unable to feel a sense of peace and joy.
Some may show a range of symptoms such as

●  repeated bouts of depression
●  exhibiting anger and hostility – or being unable to connect at all with feelings;
●  behaving like a victim – low self-esteem and putting themselves down and constantly apologizing;
●  inability to get close to people, or wanting to be inappropriately close;
●  disturbed sleep, nightmares and so on,
●  tending to ‘space out’ (cutting off from reality)
●  exhibiting fears, phobias and anxiety;
●  self-harming (this is a way of coping, not something done ‘to get attention’); 
●  tending to feel an inappropriate amount of guilt and shame; 
●  sometimes relying on smoking, drugs, alcohol or medication; 
●  experiencing hallucinations and/or ‘flashbacks’ of the abuse; 
●  sometimes moving from one abusive relationship to another. 
  • Loss of trust
    Adults and children who are abused can lose trust in those around them, especially if the abuse was within the home. (Most abuse is carried out by people known to the victim.) The loss of trust will profoundly affect the life of the survivor. They may decide (often unconsciously) never to trust anyone ever again – and this is likely to affect their faith and relationships.

    Why didn’t you say so at the time?
    Many survivors say nothing about the abuse for many years. Some have buried their memories so deeply within themselves that they have ‘forgotten’ what happened – especially if the abuse happened when they were very young.
    Memories may be ‘triggered’ in a range of ways, for example:
    • ●  hearing about abuse on television;
    • ●  being in another abusive situation such as finding difficulties with a domineering employer;
    • ●  being in a situation where they feel powerless;
    • ●  feeling vulnerable, ill, under stress, or suffering from burnout;
    • ●  the death of their abuser or of one of their carers; 
    • ●  the birth of their own child. 
    • Few victims can report their abuse close to the event and so often reported abuse is about events of years ago, leading to difficulties with finding any proof of what happened. It is 
    • often one person’s word against another, and the likelihood of the survivor getting justice is slim. However, some cases do go to court, but the experience can be devastating for both children and adults and they are likely to need considerable support.

    Pastoral  care of survivors
    An adult (or indeed a child) disclosing abuse is in a vulnerable state. Above all they need someone to listen to them – and also to believe them. They may need to be ‘heard’ in different contexts and over several years.
    If there is a complex pastoral situation when an adult discloses abuse (e.g. a young person in their twenties accusing a church worker of sexually abusing them), it would be appropriate to find some support for the different parties involved, such as another survivor to support the person making the allegations.


    There is no quick fix for healing from abuse and it is crucial that survivors: Are not pushed into forgiving too early. Forgiving their abuser/s is a 

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